That Smile
by embersandenvelopes
Summary: ..That smile. The smile that spread from the amber orbs of his eyes, to the thin lips that covered his straight white teeth....-I am sure that’s why I first fell in love with him." ONE SHOT SLASH SB RL! please review.. thanks!


disclaimer: dont own ... the song is by dashboard confessional! and the magical world of harry potter thats obviously J K Rowling..

WARNING: SLASH AHEAD!

REVIEW REVIEW PLEEASSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

That smile. The smile that spread from the amber orbs of his eyes, to the thin lips that covered his straight white teeth. It radiates the joy he feels. It spreads like wildfire over his face, and then to yours. You can't help it. It's the natural charm that is Remus J Lupin. His smile sets a fire with in you, and you feel like doing anything at all to make sure you see that smile again, even if it costs you a month's worth of detention. That smile, the true smile-I am sure that's why I first fell in love with him.

I know there were other reasons too. But I didn't notice them until after, like the way the sun lights his side swept light brown hair, that always sways in his eyes. The elegance in his movements, the thin, muscled body, the kindness towards every one, his intelligence, his perfection. Because that is what Remus is, perfect.

I never really meant to fall in love with Remus, one of my best friends, one of my fellow marauders. But what can I do about it now, I was right in the middle before I ever knew it had began.

…:Flashback:…

"Come on Remus, James and Pete are leaving for the holidays. We have to say good bye." Remus sighed and placed a dusty book from on his shelf.

"Ok Padfoot. I'll race you!" Before I could say anything the slim form of Remus and his shaggy hair blurred by my eyes. I dashed behind him, but I knew I was no match for Remus. He was light and built for speed. I was tall and muscled. My piercing blue eyes are the only thing I truly like about my appearance. I know the girls like my silky ebony black hair, my mischievous smile, and my quidditch muscles. Because of this knowledge I can walk around the school like I own it, and well in all honesty I almost do. I'm Sirius Black, I'm charming, I'm the life of the party, I'm a marauder, I'm handsome-and I know it. But we're getting aside from the point. Remus and I waved Pete and James off as the Hogwarts express trailed off out of site.

"Thanks for staying Remus." I started

"Well, Padfoot, that's what friends are for." Remus knew why I was staying. I wish he didn't, yet the fact that he does brings us closer, and for that I am glad. I can't stand my family, so I stay as far away as possible. Remus understands that, and he stayed for the holidays with me so I wouldn't be lonely. Usually I'd just camp out at James', but he's off to some vacation and I couldn't intrude.

We slowly made our way back to our dormitories, and Remus picked up his book.

"Your not going to read that boring old thing. I mean come on, Remus. Where's the excitement." I laughed, jumped over to his bed and stole his book. Remus cocked his head and laughed in a good natured manner.

"Oi, Black. Gimmie that book back. You have no idea what you're dealing with, I'm a full fledged monster." One more thing about Remus; he's a werewolf, and every month since third year, on the full moon me, James, and Peter join him and roam the country side of Hogsmeade in Amingus form (me as a dog, James as a stag and Peter as a rat).

"Oh common dear old Moony. I'm hardly scared of the likes of you."

"Not scared of me. Why I'm offended. Don't think you scare me either Padfoot. Your just a scared boy with a large mouth."

"A large mouth, I'll have you know that my mouth is not large, but the perfect shape for my head."

"Well, your head is rather large too, you know." Remus laughed as he replied.

"Well, you've crossed the line Remus!" With that I jumped on Remus and pounded him with a pillow, jokingly. Feathers flew and my barking laughter joined Remus light laugh. When it was over, we both slung ourselves on my bed-out of breath. I turned over and I suddenly had the urge to kiss Remus. I had never got the urge to kiss Remus before, or any boy before (and come to think of it not very many girls, even though by fourth year I'd kissed more than I can remember…after all I AM Sirius Black). I hurried off the bed, giving some excuse about needing the bathroom.

It didn't exactly shock me that I got the urge. I had never tried to deny that I found Remus attractive, but I sure as hell was going to deny the urge to kiss him.

That was the first clue that I was falling for Remus, if I hadn't been so dense I might have noticed it.

…:End Flashback:…

That was the first incident, back in third year, when I really got the urge to kiss him. I'd always been attracted to Remus in a different way then Pete and James. But I still didn't get it. Over the next year my feelings developed. I had so many lustful dreams about him. I started noticing more attractive things about him. I started blushing around him. It was only the beginning of fifth year when I realized I loved him. Third week of school, when we were all sitting around the commons, talking and laughing like we usually did.

…:Flashback:…

"Bloody tosser Sirius, keep your damn muddy paws off my robes thank you!" Remus said as I lifted my flithy shoes onto his body, which was sprawled lazily across a couch.

"Oi, don't take so much of the couch then." Remus shoved my legs off him, and I tumbled to the ground.

"No way Padfoot. If I do give you space then you'll some how manage to get all of the space till I have only half a cushion to sit on."

"Are you accusing me of being some sort of thief?" I mockingly replied.

"Oi, You Sirius Black, are the stealer of couches, homework, favourite books, and many girls hearts." Remus sneered at me in a joking manner.

"Those are awfully heavy charges mate. Remus is a tough guy. Seems like your not getting any space on the couch." James laughed at me.

"My Remmy poo would never send me away." I pouted at Remus.

"Oi, he would so." Remus laughed

"But he doesn't deny that he's MY Remmy poo does he now?" I poked at him.

"I quite like that name. Remmy poo, quite lovey dovey don't you think." Peter smiled.

"YOUR Remmy poo, why I'm sure Remus swore that he was mine!" James joked.

"He is not!" With that I tackled James, and he smacked me with a pillow. Soon Peter and Remus joined in, and we spent fifteen minutes whacking eachother with pillows and making noise.

"AH! No!" James cried as he fell over and I stood over him in defeat,

"Admit it, Remmy poo is mine!" I joked. I wanted those words to be true so badly. Moony threw a couch pillow at my head. "Ow, now was that really needed? The fight is over. I won." I laughed, rubbing my head. Remus got up and gathered his stuff.

"Well, this _Remmy poo_, as you two idiots so delicately put it, is tired and going to bed." He laughed and swatted James in the head, and nodded to me and Pete. This is when I was finally cornered about my sexuality.

"Hold up Rem, I'm coming too!" Peter bounded off after him. I stared at James in silence after they had left.

"Padfoot. You fancy Moony don't you?" James was always blunt and to the point.

"Not so loud James, I think the Ravenclaws even hear that!" I ran over to him and put my hands over his mouth.

"Oh, Padfoot has got a crush eh!" I ran James' words over in my head. I knew that I had a crush, and I had been wondering why the crush had lasted so long. It puzzled me that I only thought about Remus now, his looks, his laugh, or anything that was uniquely him. Something, in the back of my mind hinted that this was developing into something more. But I always pushed it aside and never listened.

But that moment, it was if everything had put itself in its right place. I realized that I really loved Remus. But as soon I had smiled goofily at this, everything went back from being in its right place to being completely on a different world.

"Prongs, how did you know you loved Lily?" I asked. "Did you know because you only thought about them when you wake up in the morning. Or that you would do anything to see her smile? Did you ever think about what you had done that day and realize the only time you were really happy is when you were with her?"

"Yeah, mate. Exactly like that." James stared at me in awe. "Why don't you tell him?" My head was spinning.

"Not yet, I mean I've only realized it just now! Im not even exactly comfortable with it yet. Just give me time ok?"

…:END FLASHBACK:….

That was when the world turned upside down. I was gay, and in love with my best friend. But that's why Im here now. Im infatuated with a smile, in awe of a mind, and in love with a boy. I cant seem to chase the thought out of my mind, and I don't want to try-not any more.

..:FLASHBACK:…

Slurred words weave their way into our speech. It was New Years, again James and Peter had gone home with their families, and Remus had opted to stay back with me. Remus had been drinking, and I had too, but Remus had been drinking more than I've ever seen him drink. He was wobbling and falling. We were alone in the dormitories, and the clock was striking twelve, Remus thought it would be funny if we took a picture exactly the moment it had struck twelve. He had said something incoherent about not knowing what year we took the picture. Any way. It struck twelve, and in my drunken state, I captured Remus' mouth in a chaste kiss. Remus laughed it off. I wasn't still sure why I had done it, but I hoped that Remus wouldn't remember any of it.

I hid the picture and never let any one see it.

…:END FLASHBACK:…

That picture haunted me, my fingers in his hair, his lips on mine, his hand on my cheek. It haunted me every day, but yet it was my determination. It was everything I had so desperately wanted. It was a constant reminder, it was a symbol for my deepest desire. It shadowed my thoughts, almost as much as his smile.

I sent that picture to him, about a half an hour ago. With a note on the back it read:

_Remus,_

_New Years Eve last year is something that haunts my thought. It's doubtful you even remember it, and yet it chases me every day. During the graduation feast tonight, listen to the last song I sing. Its for you Remus, its always for you. Every time I'm on that stage, it isn't for anything else._

_I couldn't leave this place without saying this. No matter how you feel, remember I'll always be there for you –in whatever form you want me to._

_Always,_

_Sirius_

I cant seem to concentrate on what's going on. Im numbly saying the words in front of the whole school. I've done this so many times its seems so natural. Up on the stage, when Im singing, I forget about life in general, I only concentrate on that one smile. I've been in this band for such a long time, it was sort of a mandatory thing, but then turned out to be one of the best things of my life. A teacher thought I should join the school band as part of a punishment for using the instruments as a prank. I did, and I hated every moment when that teacher was in the room. But when it was just the students, and we were playing around, that's when I loved it. I could sing, and let every frustration out. After the "punishment" was over, me and some people formed a band, and have been playing at these things ever since. Every one gets really excited when we're up on stage, but I know why Im there. I know who Im up there for. And usually that calms me.

But now, fear seems so very prominent at this moment. Fear that the gentle boy could abandon his kindness and turn harsh words towards me. Its not every day your best friend confesses to being in love with you. No, it only happens on days where the sun is trying to out shine the clouds, and nights where the stars outshine the moon.

Im standing here. Just waiting for the face I've studied for so long to appear. I lock eyes with him. The golden orbs that are always clouded, but now they seem so clear. They lock onto mine.

"Last number boys and girls." I hear myself saying. "Inspired for some one, they know who they are. So lets do this then." The crowd grows silent as the music starts up:

_Carry this picture for luck, kept in a locket,_

_Tucked in your collar, close to your chest._

_Make it a secret, shown to the closest friends._

_And meet me at qauter to seven,  
The sun will still shine then at this time of year._

_We'll head to the inlet, and we'll share a bottle there._

_And color the coast with your smile,  
It's the most genuine thing I've ever seen,  
I was so lost, but now I believe._

_And follow me south of the big docks, where they tether the boats,  
And rich men revere, as so important, they hire our fathers to steer._

_And down to the edge of the water,  
Where we'll spill our guts, we'll name our fears_

_I'll give you this picture, keep it and don't be scared._

_And color the coast with your smile,  
It's the most genuine thing I've ever seen.  
I was so lost, but now, I believe in the coast,  
Your smile is the most genuine thing, I've ever seen.  
I was so lost but now I believe._

Applause rings in my ears. My eyes still locked onto his. I'm not moving, and neither is he. I dash off the stage and he's waiting for me. His smile is covering his face.

"Nice song." He said with a grin. "Did you see James and Lily-" I cut him off.

"Don't pretend you didn't know the meaning of the song-" I was cut off this time. Remus had placed his lips on mine, and brushed his fingers through my hair. He was licking the bottom of my lip, waiting for entrance, which I readily gave him. I pulled him closer and let my hands slide down the small of his back. He broke the kiss when we were both gasping for air.

"Was this the meaning of the song, Sirius?" He smirked.

"More or less, and also that I've been in love with you for years." I added with a laugh.

"And your only telling me now! We've got a lot of lost time to make up for then." He smiled as he lead me through to our dorm room. And at that moment, I realized all over again why I loved Remus J. Lupin.

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